Paul Collingwood has been fined a grand for being in an “inappropriate place” (local reports suggest the Mavericks Revue Bar, decide for yourself) on Saturday night. He had a beer and went home. Good lad, shame he was spotted then was out for a duck the next day and England lost.

According to Zanzee, your Southern African Holiday Guide, Mavericks “is an exclusive upmarket gentleman’s club that caters for your needs in every way imaginable… the menu is simply mouth-watering!”